Last Night

Last night, I talked to my dear friend and surprisingly we may have talked a bit too much. I'm surprised at how much I'm able to open up and share it with F. If you're reading this, just don't bother to say anything okay.

We met regularly, of course F is my classmate. But we have never really talked about it. I mean it's not something I would go tell or share with just anybody. But I wonder why I did it yesterday. It wasn't a slip of tongue and definitely not something I've prepared. Only few people knew about it. But I'm glad that I talked to F about everything, things that bothered me, uncertain things, and etc. We talked a lot up until 4am, it felt like my Pandora's box is now wide open and yes, F did give an advice to me, that if I ever feel uncertain about something, do pray and keep on praying to strengthen my faith. F said that one's faith is not constant, it keeps on changing. I got a lot from F and I thank F for giving me such advices. May Allah bless you. :)

Choose one for me

It's official now, I'm currently a working woman. Eh? It sounded so wrong..No No, not yet.

I'm now working as a trainee for my engineering industrial training in one of the oil and gas companies here in Malaysia. It's better not to mention the name of the company.

Having said that, I don't really have time to update my blog, usually at night I'm too tired to even write anything. Knackered. I've never sleep so early before, but now that I'm working, I tend to sleep early. In fact, there was this one time I slept at 9.00pm. I've never sleep that early considering I usually spend my time in lab, I'm a nocturnal being. I don't sleep at night. But now it's tiring, I have no choice.

It's too early to tell what's my job scope for now. And I'm not gonna say anything in here since it's better to just hold it inside. But it's a bit different than what I've learned.

Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. ~Pauline R. Kezer

And I pray to Allah to help me get through everything. I really need it. I hope I'll get over this phase soon. Give me a lot of strength to withstand anything and grant me a mind free from worry. May Allah ease everything.

On the other hand, I really really really miss my friends. I miss to laugh with all of them. I'm indeed serious. I don't know why, but something happened to me. It's like I'm not myself anymore. I tend to be timid and shy and anything equal to those. This is definitely not me. I hope I'll tear the costume soon, someone is using it diligently to disguise as me. Pfftt

And regards on my checklist, I don't think I have ample time to make it all happen. I'll try my best though.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

P/s: I wonder should I be content with everything even if it doesn't fit the purpose? Should I? hmm

Checklist

I'm now on my 5 months semester break, but 3 months is for internship and that leaves only 2 months for real holiday. My internship starting this coming Monday, and truth be told, I'm scared to begin the internship. I mean I've learned the theories for what, 4 years and counting, and now it's a real chance for me to be exposed in the working environment, doing the practical things but yeah, it's somehow intimidating. But I hope everything will be fine and dandy, I've been beating my brain's out thinking about this one. Just do my best, let God do the rest. ;)

Since I'm on my holiday, I've made a list of things I should do or should give it a try, at the very least. Here comes

• To hone my skills in cooking. I want to learn how to cook for real (I can cook a little bit). I love baking but not cooking. I prefer to think cooking is somewhat difficult. However, I still need to learn to cook if I were to be an independent woman soon.
• To watch some of the Korean variety shows given by my dear friend. I've put it on hold for ages since I'm not really into Korean plus with time limitation. Now that I have some free time, there's no excuse. Even if I'm not into Korean stuff, I should watch it. I've no restriction whatsoever on which shows should I watch. I can't limit my mind to certain things only, I have to be open to anything. ;)
• To widen my set of friends. I love making friends in any way I could engage. I love knowing people from different backgrounds, love hearing other people's opinions and etc. I certainly don't mind to befriend just anybody. I don't choose my friend, anyone can be my friend.
  
• Need to go for a shopping therapy.
  
• Need to jump into being the bookworm again. Last time I had a good piece of reading was back years ago when I was 13/14 years old. So long! I'm taking suggestions from my dear friends albeit I want something by Lemony Snicket or maybe something motivational. I already went to few bookstores checking few books but yeah, the book that I want was not in the store. ;( NVM
  
• Need to spend some quality time with my family and friends. Learn to appreciate them every single day.
  
• Need to play the role of an accountant. I need to save some money for my future. Oh it sounded so wrong. But yeah, that's the bitter truth.
  
• I'm thinking of tutoring my little brother. He had been diagnosed to have dyslexia. Having said that, he has some learning problems and yes, he ain't Einstein (He is known to have dyslexia too). In my previous attempt of tutoring him, he ended up hating me since I'm very strict. Haha
  
• I'm thinking of creating my own FB account. Well I still don't like the idea of owning a FB account but I guess I don't have a choice. Too many people rely on FB; my friends and my family. As a matter of fact, I feel like I've missed out on some things just because I don't have FB. I don't mind about the gossips bulletin but I do mind about not getting an invitation to a wedding party just because I don't have FB. Besides there are too many people who urge me to create one. Funny,they even offered to create it for me.
  
• To brush up my piano skills, again. I want to learn new song and try to memorize it.
• To go for a holiday with my friends. Maybe opt for a beach getaway.
  

For now, I guess that's all. I'm not entirely sure if I have time to do all of them, but yeah I'll make some time. ;)

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood

"It's the things you cannot see coming that are strong enough to kill you." ~ Jodi Picoult.

As I'm writing this, my dear chipmunk is already dead. It's uncertain at first but I guess I could tell by looking at him. He's no longer moving, his eyes are closed, his legs/hands are hard as steel, and most importantly his heart is no longer beating. ;'( So it's official, he's dead.

After I brought him to the vet, I actually thought he was doing okay by then, but I was wrong. He was trying hard to survive, he laid still, not even bothered by army of ants lingering around waiting to devour the creature.

I was having my dinner at that time, I even stopped, I couldn't bear myself seeing him like that. I gave him some orange juices through a syringe, followed by plain water. I wanted to give him something, he hadn't eaten anything. He didn't give any sort of reaction, I wasn't sure if he was enjoying it or hating it. At that moment, I wish he could talk and tell me what was wrong. Do you need some food? Do you need me to warm you? I was talking to myself, at least a simple nod would suffice.

I even gave him some carrots and pears but yes, he was not interested. I brought him to my bed considering it's easier for me to take care of him if he was closer to me. He was still breathing at that time but it seemed to be shallower than before. Did I give him too much water? Honestly, I did. Little did I know he was at death's door at that time.

A few minutes later, his lungs is no longer huffing and puffing, struggling to live. He was dead. A little tears dropped, I did not bother to wipe it. A while later, tears began streaming down my cheeks, over flowing in my face. Yet, I didn't bother to wipe it. Trust me, I couldn't stop myself. It was a sad moment for me. I effing wish he was just sleeping. But he wouldn't be that hard if he were sleeping, a rough poke was even pointless at that time. ;'(

I couldn't believe my eyes, and then there I was, trying hard to play a Doctor in the house, I was trying to resurrect him. If you ask me to resurrect a dead circuit, it would be fine by now, I'm doing engineering after all, but for me to resurrect a life is way out of my range.

I felt like I just lost a kid or even a husband perhaps. But who am I kidding?! I don't even have a kid or even a husband. I'm just saying that I felt this deep, sudden gush of sadness, disappointment and anything equal to those. I guess the saying

'Do appreciate whatever you have while you still have it, for that if it's gone forever, you'll regret forever too'

is true. It hits me to think if only I spend more quality time to play with him, if only I care more for him, if only I know what's bothering him..........what hits me now is too numerous at this point. Sigh.

I even wonder, if it was me who killed him, is it possible if he drowned amidst of the huge amount of water I gave him. It could be, right?! I wonder if there was a flare-up to his condition? None of it would matter right at this moment. Meaningless, as he's already gone. Regardless, being able to witness him dying in front of my eyes was profound, I guess he's gone in peace with me being the last person to hold him, at least the ending of his life warmed the cockles of my heart.

This is written in memory of my dear chipmunk:

May you rest in peace my dear,
For that it has ceased to be,
Thank you for being a part of my life,
A little mourned for you is never enough,
Still wallowing in sadness doesn't do justice,
Neither granting the weather to mock me,
May morning sunshine restore me brightly,
Though I had to let you go,
A sleep you shall have,
A rest you shall have,
Down underneath,
Will always be yours. ~Farah Whibley

"The tears I feel today
I'll wait to shed tomorrow.
Though I'll not sleep this night
Nor find surcease from sorrow.
My eyes must keep their sight:
I dare not be tear-blinded.
I must be free to talk
Not choked with grief, clear-minded.
My mouth cannot betray
The anguish that I know.
Yes, I'll keep my tears til later:
But my grief will never go."
— Anne McCaffrey (Dragonsinger)

A Tale of A Chipmunk

I have a chipmunk. And I'm not gonna tell you how I got him, how old is he, what's his daily routine whatsoever. Because it doesn't matter.

My chipmunk has been infected today!! Maybe not today, maybe even few days before. IDK.

This holiday, I pass by him every day but I have no intention to play with him whatsoever like I used to. Well The Strokes may have been responsible for it yesterday and even today. Whatever. But for the other days, it's just me. I seem to lose my interest.

The thing is, I was shocked seeing my chipmunk lethargic since he's always active, jumping up and down, dancing here and there, yada yada yada.

I bathed him, cleaned his cage, fed him with some carrots in favor of seeing him happy once again, but to no avail. He's still lethargic and he's lying deathly still, inert.

I was beyond worried, and I still am. I brought him to the vet, the vet said that he has been infected. He checked him thoroughly and I wasn't sure if he poked him or not, but a tiny faeces came out while he's checking. The faeces contained blood, poor Mr. Chipmunk.

The doctor claimed chipmunk as one of the fragile animals, once he gets infected, the effect is immediate and somewhat obvious as being shown by him these days.

Doctor said if he doesn't respond to the medicine given in 48 hours, there's a likelihood that he would die. Oh my, hearing that from a professional, my eyes got teary. Despite of everything, I do like him. Oh wait, I love him.

Come on Chipmunk, don't die on me. No, not yet. Pretty please. I'm praying everything will be back to normal soon. InsyaAllah.

Still In Daze

Okay so here are couple of videos uploaded on Youtube, the rest you can search on Youtube. BTW, I've downloaded the full web cast of The Strokes' performance and I keep playing it on the loop. Mann, I can't get over it. Still can't. That's too bad, no?! Well they were too awesome. (Being an avid fan is tiring huh?! xD)

In fact, I'm planning to change my last name to Casablancas, no longer Doherty, or even Whibley. haha. Kidding. It's not even mine. xD







And here's the complete list of songs they've played from first to the last. :)

There are many people admiring The Strokes, and she's one of the many. She wanted to see Coachella Live. She told herself "I Can't Win" with so many people. Nevertheless, she's not gonna give up. Why would she? Jules, Albert,Nick and Niko are effing cool. They make her heart thumping like a drum every time she sees them. It's Hard To Explain. They played Under Cover of Darkness and NYC Cops so good that she thought to herself to keep up with the Games, not a chance to give up! She even made a promise, Someday she will go to their concert. She wanted to yell "Oh Jules, You're So Right in The Modern Age."
She effing need to see them live since she knows You Only Live Once. No, she's not Taken For A Fool for not being able to drop her Juicebox while watching them. She's flabbergasted and she's not even Under Control, she's out of control. It is indeed a Gratisfaction. She was closed to becoming a Reptilia for being so wild Last Night. Well thanks a bunch to the uber-cool band, The Strokes for every momentous moments in her life. Even with some flaws, she's grateful for the memories, and yes no choices left, she should either Take It or Leave It.

Here are some of the colored images, again courtesy of suckitandseeat1251

A confession: I've never like anything with leopard prints. A satin leopard prints? That's a big no-no for me, but damn, he's killing it with this one. Nick Valensi, you're the man. Oh well he paired it with Converse.

One thing about Coachella, I missed watching The Kills live, but thanks to Youtube, I've watched their performance. I love VV. She's getting better and better. Their opening with 'No Wow' wow-ed me.

Anyway, some people have been asking me about Arctic Monkeys' official music video for 'Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair'. Well I must say the music video is great. After a few listens, I can now say I like the song. Maybe the video did put some weight into it. Somehow the lighting fit perfectly with the melody etc. I'm serious. Watch it.

Colors

pic courtesy of julescasablancas and suckitandseeat1251

Oh looking good with colors huh?!

How do you resist him? I still can't...

Coachella Live

Pic courtesy of shesfixing

Pic courtesy of Mr. Ryan Gentles (taken from his twitter)

Have you seen it live? ZOMG. It was EPIC.

My friend tweeted me about this one. He asked me to wake up and go stream the coachella on Youtube, since The Strokes is coming up next. Without further ado, I went to Youtube and yes, coachella live it is. I watched The Nationals first, then Ratatat and *drumrolls please* The Strokes.

HELL YEAH. The Strokes mannnn....<3

I've been dreaming to watch them performing live and yes Jules did appear in my dream last week. haaaha. I've watched their live performance but none of them were live as in live streaming mann.. An infinite thanks to the genius who came out with an idea to let us fans streaming the concert. The live feed was awesome. Seriously, I bet yaa, thousands of people from whole wide world streamed it. Come on, it's Coachella. :)

It was wonderful. It felt like I was watching them live in there with a VIP seat I might add, albeit there's no colors. Still, black and white rocks on. See?! A twisted mind of a girl who's not even there but pretending that she was there. Oh pathetic? well, I don't effing care.

The Strokes killing it dude..!!

Jules like always looking stunning with his hat and sunnies. I love it when he always changed the lyrics. And yeah Jules's still rocking with his deep voice. That's sexy mann.. Jules,please marry me. Sorry Juliet, move over! haha. xD

Not to mention, he's on top form with his light mood and being humorous, and remember the high note on Games?! Splendid. <3 (I don't mind Julian's banter at all, love it)
Remember , "let's us fuckin’ juicebox their faces!”, "I jest, I jest" ,"okay my pilgrims friend", "You mothafuckas ready" ??? LTMQ. :)

Albert was perfect with his pipes or whatever that is. Valensi was good with his solo. Fab and Nikolai were amazing too. Did you see Valensi's converse?? aww..it's cool. :)

The 1st song was I Can't Win. Oh it bring memories. Then they played Hard To Explain, Under Cover of Darkness, Someday, The Modern Age, Reptilia, NYC Cops, Games, You're So Right, You Only Live Once, Taken For A Fool, Juicebox, Under Control, Gratisfaction, Last Night and Take It Or Leave it (in no particular order).

Well that's all I remember. If I miss any song, I'm sorry. I was hyperventilating the whole time watching them plus flooding the timeline with #CoachellaLive #thestrokes. Sorry tweeples.

In fact, Julian Casablancas, Nick Valensi and Juicebox were the trending topic (TT). (^_^)

I was literally melting when they played Hard To Explain. After all, it's Jules & Juliet song. <3

I love every bits of it. I love how they played the old songs. <3 I was singing along to the tunes while taking care of my heart, a pulse to stabilize. hehe Oh I LOVE YOU THE STROKES.

This is definitely going into my bucket list: To see them performing live for real. I shall go to one of their concert, at least once in my life. :)

Heard they're coming to play in Bali this coming August, I hope they will come down to Kuala Lumpur which I highly doubt BTW still, I'm hoping they will. It would be a dream come true. A princess is no longer longing for her fairy tale. Hahah.

All in all, I still love them and yes they were fantastic and mind blowing. Again, thanks for the live feed (No hiccups whatsoever mann.. ) as it was hell of an experience watching them performing live. I'm still in awe. :)

p/s: I'm waiting for the video soon to be uploaded by unknown. I wanna watch it over and over again.
Cheers xoxo