Happy, Jealousy, ?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I woke up happily this morning without any good reason. I’m just happy. I finished cleaning everything. I did my laundry (Yeah did my laundry by myself). It was a long time ago since I last did it myself. My home is just few miles away from my college so I usually go back and send it all back home. Back years ago when I was still in boarding school I used to do the laundry all by myself. Now I’m doing it again since I’m stuck here in college. I don’t want to go back because next week is my final exam. I have or I need to study. If I’m home it would be different and I’m not going to study there. Believe me. =]

By the way last night I had terrible headache and it felt like my head’s going to explode. My roommate forced me to swallow some pills but I hate pills. Few minutes later, my headache was still there so I had to swallow the pill and it didn’t work. I wanted to sleep but I just couldn’t since I spent the whole evening sleeping like a baby right after my first exam. Last night I wasn’t very happy even after Arteta scored a goal. I should be happy but it didn’t seem to excite me much. While I was killing some time before I went to sleep, I went blog hopping and I found my senior’s blog.
Gee I envy her so much. She’s like the perfect angel (but hey no one’s perfect). It’s just she seems to have everything good with her. She has good complexion (flawless yeah), good career (an engineer), good family (I have one too), good fiancé and she lives in my dream place (Japan).

I’m just a normal human being and jealousy is part of being human. It’s normal right? Is it?

Well to top of my jealousy there are infinite list of what I want or what I wish for and same goes to what I don’t want. Life’s cruel and we will never get everything we want and that’s the real challenge. I wish to have every single thing that she has. Pffft

I do wanna be like her. One day I’m going to be like her. I want to have a good career. In fact, I wanna be a hell successful engineer (woman engineer).
I have such big dream like after I finish my degree I’m going to further for Master and even PhD. It has to start with a dream and with God’s will; I’m going to achieve it soon. It’s just a matter of time.

When I’m rich enough to travel all over the world, I’d do it.

I want to have a good family too but yeah I haven’t found myself a good man. Sigh. Where art thou? LOL. As much as I envy happy and lovely couple who are head over heels in love, I don’t really believe in marriage kind of things. It’s not like I don’t wanna get married (I want, and someday I will) but it’s just marriage nowadays are too fragile. People easily getting divorce and it frightens me. I don’t want to get married and then left to be alone.
Just like Alex Turner said
“They made it far too easy to believe, that true romance can’t be achieved these days”

It’s by far so true and it’s hard to find a good man these days too. Its either you’re not up to their expectations or he’s the one who doesn’t meet your description of being ‘Mr. Right’. We will never find someone perfect.

My senior has good faith too. We shared the same religion (Yeah, we’re Muslim). I’m not as good as her. I did some terrible things but none of them involved something like drinking and I still preach abstinence. It’s just that I’m nothing close to being an angel. One day I wish I have lots of knowledge regarding my religion and I follow all the obligations.

In fact, every religion does tell their believer to do good things in life and never do anything that could harm people.

Whenever I feel like I’m at the bottom of my life, I always tell myself to be patient as there are more unfortunate people in this world. No matter wherever we go, we must be humble and don’t look for people who are on top of us but look for people below us. Only then we will realize how fortunate and grateful we are for what we have.
As much as I envy her or as much as I wanna be in her place, I’m grateful for what I have and nothing could change that. Let’s pray to be blessed with all the wonderful things in this world and hereafter.

P/s: I’m going to work my ass for this coming final exam. I hope I’m going to do well. Wish me luck. =]

and I just know Fabregas scored goal too but it was for penalty. I didn't watch it last night. Dammit headache.

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