Another Side Of Me

My day today is totally ruined by my sadness and madness.

I’m mad at someone, like really mad.

When something involves with your dignity, pride and such, I have my solid reason to be mad. I’m mad at him and I’m mad at myself as well for not being able to curb my anger.

It’s like there’s an angry demon took over me and I didn’t fight with him and let him took over me easily. I’m sad seeing how badly things went. I’m sad for letting the demon won over me. There’s always a choice for you; to be mad or not to be mad.

They say that ‘Patience is half of faith’ and it’s true. Not everyone can hold the patience enough. If you let the angry demon won over you, the consequences are really bad, at least bad enough for me.

I mean I’m 22 but I acted like I’m a spoiled child who didn’t get her candies and started to throw tantrum at everyone. That’s me today! I went furious and started to throw tantrum at him first and everyone else then.

It’s been ages since I’m mad like this. I thought growing up has made me become much of a calmer person or even a matured person but seeing myself today, I was totally wrong. But then again, I have my solid reason to be mad.

And I really hate when people start to play the ‘I know you’ card. You may have known me a little but that little doesn’t equal to a whole. You’ll never know me as a whole. So please stop playing the card. Everyone has their own secret and secret is always meant to be a secret.

No one knows it other than yourself. So if you play the card and started to judge me, well you’re wrong my dear. You don’t know a thing. My life is full of secrets that I’ll never let anyone knows, not even you. And I really love to say that some things just touch you so deep.

After I was mad like hell, I did cry a wee bit for no matter how strong I am, I still have a fragile heart. And I did start the car, went to nowhere. Yes, my destination is nowhere. I just drove to nowhere to calm myself and it always work. I tend to drive very slowly when I’m sad and keep on driving until I feel calm and I came back.

I came back and I knew I had to write it somewhere and here it is, I feel okay for now. I hope I’m strong enough to just smile and pretend nothing happened.

"Better"

You live inside a dream
Everything tastes so sweet
As long as it agrees with how you feel
You're dancing in your sleep
'Til all the eyes that look at me
awaken your anxieties

You're so afraid, so you try to break me, yeah

I don't want to care
And I don't want to hate
And I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
You lash out and blame
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
And try to break me

But in the end, what leaves you broken
In the end, makes you better, yeah

Your face looks so green
When the sun is shining differently
And you're standing in the shade
'Cause face to face you're sweet
Like candy sticking to my teeth
But underneath so damaging

There is no strength in trying to break me, no

I don't want to care
And I don't want to hate
And I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
You lash out and blame
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
And try to break me

But in the end, what leaves you broken
in the end, makes you better

Yeah, I don't want to hate
I don't want to be broken
I don't want to hate you
I don't want to hate
I don't want to be broken
I don't want to hate you

I don't want to care
and I don't want to hate
and I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
you lash out and blame
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
and try to break me

But in the end, what leaves you broken
In the end, makes you better, Yeah