Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood

"It's the things you cannot see coming that are strong enough to kill you." ~ Jodi Picoult.

As I'm writing this, my dear chipmunk is already dead. It's uncertain at first but I guess I could tell by looking at him. He's no longer moving, his eyes are closed, his legs/hands are hard as steel, and most importantly his heart is no longer beating. ;'( So it's official, he's dead.

After I brought him to the vet, I actually thought he was doing okay by then, but I was wrong. He was trying hard to survive, he laid still, not even bothered by army of ants lingering around waiting to devour the creature.

I was having my dinner at that time, I even stopped, I couldn't bear myself seeing him like that. I gave him some orange juices through a syringe, followed by plain water. I wanted to give him something, he hadn't eaten anything. He didn't give any sort of reaction, I wasn't sure if he was enjoying it or hating it. At that moment, I wish he could talk and tell me what was wrong. Do you need some food? Do you need me to warm you? I was talking to myself, at least a simple nod would suffice.

I even gave him some carrots and pears but yes, he was not interested. I brought him to my bed considering it's easier for me to take care of him if he was closer to me. He was still breathing at that time but it seemed to be shallower than before. Did I give him too much water? Honestly, I did. Little did I know he was at death's door at that time.

A few minutes later, his lungs is no longer huffing and puffing, struggling to live. He was dead. A little tears dropped, I did not bother to wipe it. A while later, tears began streaming down my cheeks, over flowing in my face. Yet, I didn't bother to wipe it. Trust me, I couldn't stop myself. It was a sad moment for me. I effing wish he was just sleeping. But he wouldn't be that hard if he were sleeping, a rough poke was even pointless at that time. ;'(

I couldn't believe my eyes, and then there I was, trying hard to play a Doctor in the house, I was trying to resurrect him. If you ask me to resurrect a dead circuit, it would be fine by now, I'm doing engineering after all, but for me to resurrect a life is way out of my range.

I felt like I just lost a kid or even a husband perhaps. But who am I kidding?! I don't even have a kid or even a husband. I'm just saying that I felt this deep, sudden gush of sadness, disappointment and anything equal to those. I guess the saying

'Do appreciate whatever you have while you still have it, for that if it's gone forever, you'll regret forever too'

is true. It hits me to think if only I spend more quality time to play with him, if only I care more for him, if only I know what's bothering him..........what hits me now is too numerous at this point. Sigh.

I even wonder, if it was me who killed him, is it possible if he drowned amidst of the huge amount of water I gave him. It could be, right?! I wonder if there was a flare-up to his condition? None of it would matter right at this moment. Meaningless, as he's already gone. Regardless, being able to witness him dying in front of my eyes was profound, I guess he's gone in peace with me being the last person to hold him, at least the ending of his life warmed the cockles of my heart.

This is written in memory of my dear chipmunk:

May you rest in peace my dear,
For that it has ceased to be,
Thank you for being a part of my life,
A little mourned for you is never enough,
Still wallowing in sadness doesn't do justice,
Neither granting the weather to mock me,
May morning sunshine restore me brightly,
Though I had to let you go,
A sleep you shall have,
A rest you shall have,
Down underneath,
Will always be yours. ~Farah Whibley

"The tears I feel today
I'll wait to shed tomorrow.
Though I'll not sleep this night
Nor find surcease from sorrow.
My eyes must keep their sight:
I dare not be tear-blinded.
I must be free to talk
Not choked with grief, clear-minded.
My mouth cannot betray
The anguish that I know.
Yes, I'll keep my tears til later:
But my grief will never go."
— Anne McCaffrey (Dragonsinger)

A Tale of A Chipmunk

I have a chipmunk. And I'm not gonna tell you how I got him, how old is he, what's his daily routine whatsoever. Because it doesn't matter.

My chipmunk has been infected today!! Maybe not today, maybe even few days before. IDK.

This holiday, I pass by him every day but I have no intention to play with him whatsoever like I used to. Well The Strokes may have been responsible for it yesterday and even today. Whatever. But for the other days, it's just me. I seem to lose my interest.

The thing is, I was shocked seeing my chipmunk lethargic since he's always active, jumping up and down, dancing here and there, yada yada yada.

I bathed him, cleaned his cage, fed him with some carrots in favor of seeing him happy once again, but to no avail. He's still lethargic and he's lying deathly still, inert.

I was beyond worried, and I still am. I brought him to the vet, the vet said that he has been infected. He checked him thoroughly and I wasn't sure if he poked him or not, but a tiny faeces came out while he's checking. The faeces contained blood, poor Mr. Chipmunk.

The doctor claimed chipmunk as one of the fragile animals, once he gets infected, the effect is immediate and somewhat obvious as being shown by him these days.

Doctor said if he doesn't respond to the medicine given in 48 hours, there's a likelihood that he would die. Oh my, hearing that from a professional, my eyes got teary. Despite of everything, I do like him. Oh wait, I love him.

Come on Chipmunk, don't die on me. No, not yet. Pretty please. I'm praying everything will be back to normal soon. InsyaAllah.

Still In Daze

Okay so here are couple of videos uploaded on Youtube, the rest you can search on Youtube. BTW, I've downloaded the full web cast of The Strokes' performance and I keep playing it on the loop. Mann, I can't get over it. Still can't. That's too bad, no?! Well they were too awesome. (Being an avid fan is tiring huh?! xD)

In fact, I'm planning to change my last name to Casablancas, no longer Doherty, or even Whibley. haha. Kidding. It's not even mine. xD







And here's the complete list of songs they've played from first to the last. :)

There are many people admiring The Strokes, and she's one of the many. She wanted to see Coachella Live. She told herself "I Can't Win" with so many people. Nevertheless, she's not gonna give up. Why would she? Jules, Albert,Nick and Niko are effing cool. They make her heart thumping like a drum every time she sees them. It's Hard To Explain. They played Under Cover of Darkness and NYC Cops so good that she thought to herself to keep up with the Games, not a chance to give up! She even made a promise, Someday she will go to their concert. She wanted to yell "Oh Jules, You're So Right in The Modern Age."
She effing need to see them live since she knows You Only Live Once. No, she's not Taken For A Fool for not being able to drop her Juicebox while watching them. She's flabbergasted and she's not even Under Control, she's out of control. It is indeed a Gratisfaction. She was closed to becoming a Reptilia for being so wild Last Night. Well thanks a bunch to the uber-cool band, The Strokes for every momentous moments in her life. Even with some flaws, she's grateful for the memories, and yes no choices left, she should either Take It or Leave It.

Here are some of the colored images, again courtesy of suckitandseeat1251

A confession: I've never like anything with leopard prints. A satin leopard prints? That's a big no-no for me, but damn, he's killing it with this one. Nick Valensi, you're the man. Oh well he paired it with Converse.

One thing about Coachella, I missed watching The Kills live, but thanks to Youtube, I've watched their performance. I love VV. She's getting better and better. Their opening with 'No Wow' wow-ed me.

Anyway, some people have been asking me about Arctic Monkeys' official music video for 'Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair'. Well I must say the music video is great. After a few listens, I can now say I like the song. Maybe the video did put some weight into it. Somehow the lighting fit perfectly with the melody etc. I'm serious. Watch it.

Colors

pic courtesy of julescasablancas and suckitandseeat1251

Oh looking good with colors huh?!

How do you resist him? I still can't...

Coachella Live

Pic courtesy of shesfixing

Pic courtesy of Mr. Ryan Gentles (taken from his twitter)

Have you seen it live? ZOMG. It was EPIC.

My friend tweeted me about this one. He asked me to wake up and go stream the coachella on Youtube, since The Strokes is coming up next. Without further ado, I went to Youtube and yes, coachella live it is. I watched The Nationals first, then Ratatat and *drumrolls please* The Strokes.

HELL YEAH. The Strokes mannnn....<3

I've been dreaming to watch them performing live and yes Jules did appear in my dream last week. haaaha. I've watched their live performance but none of them were live as in live streaming mann.. An infinite thanks to the genius who came out with an idea to let us fans streaming the concert. The live feed was awesome. Seriously, I bet yaa, thousands of people from whole wide world streamed it. Come on, it's Coachella. :)

It was wonderful. It felt like I was watching them live in there with a VIP seat I might add, albeit there's no colors. Still, black and white rocks on. See?! A twisted mind of a girl who's not even there but pretending that she was there. Oh pathetic? well, I don't effing care.

The Strokes killing it dude..!!

Jules like always looking stunning with his hat and sunnies. I love it when he always changed the lyrics. And yeah Jules's still rocking with his deep voice. That's sexy mann.. Jules,please marry me. Sorry Juliet, move over! haha. xD

Not to mention, he's on top form with his light mood and being humorous, and remember the high note on Games?! Splendid. <3 (I don't mind Julian's banter at all, love it)
Remember , "let's us fuckin’ juicebox their faces!”, "I jest, I jest" ,"okay my pilgrims friend", "You mothafuckas ready" ??? LTMQ. :)

Albert was perfect with his pipes or whatever that is. Valensi was good with his solo. Fab and Nikolai were amazing too. Did you see Valensi's converse?? aww..it's cool. :)

The 1st song was I Can't Win. Oh it bring memories. Then they played Hard To Explain, Under Cover of Darkness, Someday, The Modern Age, Reptilia, NYC Cops, Games, You're So Right, You Only Live Once, Taken For A Fool, Juicebox, Under Control, Gratisfaction, Last Night and Take It Or Leave it (in no particular order).

Well that's all I remember. If I miss any song, I'm sorry. I was hyperventilating the whole time watching them plus flooding the timeline with #CoachellaLive #thestrokes. Sorry tweeples.

In fact, Julian Casablancas, Nick Valensi and Juicebox were the trending topic (TT). (^_^)

I was literally melting when they played Hard To Explain. After all, it's Jules & Juliet song. <3

I love every bits of it. I love how they played the old songs. <3 I was singing along to the tunes while taking care of my heart, a pulse to stabilize. hehe Oh I LOVE YOU THE STROKES.

This is definitely going into my bucket list: To see them performing live for real. I shall go to one of their concert, at least once in my life. :)

Heard they're coming to play in Bali this coming August, I hope they will come down to Kuala Lumpur which I highly doubt BTW still, I'm hoping they will. It would be a dream come true. A princess is no longer longing for her fairy tale. Hahah.

All in all, I still love them and yes they were fantastic and mind blowing. Again, thanks for the live feed (No hiccups whatsoever mann.. ) as it was hell of an experience watching them performing live. I'm still in awe. :)

p/s: I'm waiting for the video soon to be uploaded by unknown. I wanna watch it over and over again.
Cheers xoxo

Back In Business

It's beyond pleasure to hear that Arctic Monkeys is back. And yes, their new single 'Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair' is out, first one taken from the latest album 'Suck It and See'. The album is set to be released on 6th June 2011.

You can stream the whole song on their site.

I guess I need a few more listens. It certainly didn't hit me to say it's one of their best songs at first go. No, not yet.

I love Arctic Monkeys especially Alex Turner for their charms and wits in music. They are able to convey some hidden meanings in all of their lyrics. And yes, all of the lyrics were written by my dear Alex. I really like his way of writing lyrics, the poetic in him made me drooling. I'm serious. His honesty always fascinated me. His accent is another thing. His splendid guitar riff's some more. ;) And I don't love Arctic Monkeys just because Alex's in it, all of the members have fair share of creating an awesome band that I fell in love with. I still love them.

But somehow, these days Alex's charm is diminishing. The song seems to lack something in the lyric. At the very least, the song is better than 'Brick by Brick'. Regardless, Alex Turner still looks effortlessly cool to me.

I'm still looking forward to the day the album is out. ;)

Memory Lane

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."
— William Shakespeare

Oh well, I'm glad to say that I can still count on my friends. I fret they would come with an excuse when I need their help, but Alhamdulillah, I can proudly say that I can rely on them.

As of tonight, when I really need their help, they came with their big heart and willingly to help me since my parents are not here at the moment. We went to my aunt's house and met my other aunt, cousins and grandma.

Soon, we went to The Apartment for a long catching-up session, and yes I had fun with them. There is always something to share, something to laugh, something to ponder and etc. Reminiscing the good old days was a blast. It has been a while since we last met that we almost went for an impromptu stay but we didn't. I guess we can plan it later. Seriously, time has a funny way of teasing us, it moves so fast. The speed of an event isn't even synchronous to our life tempo. If only we could be faster, we could then outsmart time. Or perhaps we don't even put an effort to be faster. Who knows.

On the other hand, I tried pavlova today albeit I was craving for a parfait. The pavlova was good but I think it's a tad too sweet for me. ;) NVM.

I'm just writing this assuring myself to lock this one in my memory box. I will, one day, look at it and remember that this day was the day my friends were still there, helping me.

P/s: To my dear friends Aerma, Nina and especially Bella, thanks a lot for tonight. I appreciate it and I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. :)

Fret not, my friend.

Oh my. I never know asking for a favour is really hard. It felt like I'm violating my own rules. Ugh. ;(

The thought of asking for a favour is hard to swallow, let alone the action. UGH. I hate to ask for a favour. Feels like a loser. :(

Is it normal to feel guilt-ridden for asking a favour? Big or small, it doesn't matter. It's still a favour.

I'm a normal human being, sometimes I do need a favour and yes, every single time there's a need for me to ask for a favour, I would prepare like a million times, how should I ask for it?

Should I go for something benign, or rather something insouciant?

Oh well, I don't have a heart to go for the latter but sometimes I did it anyway. Excuse me for being such a nonchalant lady.

But I've always try to sound amiable when I ask for a favour. Still, I want to know what goes in the mind of a giver/bestower? Do they feel like a burden if someone asks them for something, or asks them to do something?

As for me, I wouldn't mind to help anyone if I'm capable of giving/lending the help. Ask me for a help, I'll help you in any way I could engage myself in. But for me to ask for someone's help is somewhat difficult, yet it is inevitable.

If no one needs help, they wouldn't create such 'help' and 'favour' as a word. What use is there to create such vacuous word, if people are not gonna use it anyway?

Having said that, I've lost count of times I've used that particular word. Yet again, I used it today.

"People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway."
— Kent M. Keith (Paradoxical Commandments)

"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others."
— Audrey Hepburn

P/s: An infinite thanks to those who have helped me in any ways especially those who never thought of something in return. Be it friends, strangers, a friend of a friend and just anyone. Hats off to you guys. =)